From: Human Body Development Group
To: Human Body Users
Re: Human Body Release 4.0 - List of Enhancements
We are pleased to announce the immediate availability of Human Body
Release 4.0 to all existing users of prior releases. These
enhancements represent significant changes to the product and promise
to greatly increase usability and user satisfaction.
- An extra bone and joint have been added between the wrist and
forearm to facilitate scratching of 100% of the surface of one's own
back.
- Teeth have now been made to regenerate (similar to fingernail and
toenail regeneration fix in last PTF level). When cavities or
fractures occur, simply grind down to the root or extract altogether
and a new tooth will grow back in about 60 days.
- Reproductive organs have been moved to the center of the chest so as
not to cause confusion/concerns with excretory organs and to be closer
to the heart.
- An additional valve has been added to the reproductive organs so
that birth control can take place directly under complete control of
the user without any artificial workarounds such pills, condoms,
diaphragms, IUDs and the like. Durable tissue surrounds this valve so
that high pressures may be contained fully.
- At long last, a special pouch has been added to the female anatomy
so that babies may be born easily without any pain or trauma to mother
and infant after a successful Beta test in Australia. This feature
will be added to all other mammals in their next release.
- A second throat has been added to separate breathing functions from
eating and drinking. Our apologies are extended to choke victims, but
we were up against a tight deadline in Human Body Release 3.0 and could
only coordinate the release of a single throat.
The mouth and existing throat remain identical to prior releases, and
the addition of a second mouth has been placed in the back of the neck.
We chose this location as not to interfere with kissing and virtually
eliminate the possibility of inhaling bugs while jogging or riding a
bicycle. To minimize upgrade impact, the nose and sense of smell
remain in their existing location, but obviously have been reconnected
to the new breathing throat as opposed to the drinking/eating throat.
Neck diameter has unavoidably increased due to the extra throat so
shirt conversion kits will be supplied with this release.
- Finally, the appendix is no longer supported and has therefore been
removed. If there are any existing appendix users out there, we would
appreciate hearing from you since we have forgotten why we put it there
in the first place.
All of these enhancements have stemmed directly from your suggestions
so please keep your comments flowing to our brilliant Product Managers. If you
have any comments on the implementation of these enhancements please
call our support staff directly.